As the nuptuals are getting closer I realize that I am the type of person who as much as I strive for peace and much as I desire contentment, there is something in me that just won't allow that to happen. Jason and I are doing so well and having so much fun together its exciting and I can't wait for him to be my husband. Everything seems too good to be true, I keep wondering when it's going to end. As the snow falls and winter brings beauty and destruction I am not only very aware of my motality but Jason's as well. I am so worried about him all the time. I just desire for him to be safe and I am so worried that something is going to happen and I am going to lose him. I watch myself wanting to keep a tight grip on him and that's impossible. I know that this is all somthing that is designed to steal my joy and the blessing that I know is from the LORD but I fear.
Ok there it is and I lay it out there for all to see my vulnerability
Instead of being able to enjoy the moments that we are truly happy, they are often overshadowed by doubts and fears that the happiness will go away! Crazy isn't it? All we can really do is try to live in the present and enjoy today:)
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through my cousin Cheryl. Hope you don't mind me dropping in. I found your post familiar. I felt the same exact feelings just 11 years ago when I was about to get married. But you know....the devil will always work at getting you to worry. After you get married and if you have kids you will be tempted to worry about the pregnancy, then the birth, when they go to school, etc....
ReplyDeleteI like how you brought it back around to remember to not let it steal your joy. God has some great things in store for all of our lives.
Happy engagement. And Happy Wedding day to you. :)
Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. That's not always easy to do, but I think it's helpful to the one doing the admitting to say it out loud. It's also a good way to have others know how to pray.
ReplyDeleteIt's true. Satan likes fear and lies. Our Bible study at church is going doing Breaking Free. I've really appreciated Week 9 again, the one that talks about tearing down the lies and putting up the truth. Not always easy to do, but ALWAYS helpful.
What you described seems completely natural to me, and I'm sure it's easy to do. Keep enjoying Jason, your relationship, and this fun time in your life. Love you!