Wednesday, January 14, 2009


As the nuptuals are getting closer I realize that I am the type of person who as much as I strive for peace and much as I desire contentment, there is something in me that just won't allow that to happen. Jason and I are doing so well and having so much fun together its exciting and I can't wait for him to be my husband. Everything seems too good to be true, I keep wondering when it's going to end. As the snow falls and winter brings beauty and destruction I am not only very aware of my motality but Jason's as well. I am so worried about him all the time. I just desire for him to be safe and I am so worried that something is going to happen and I am going to lose him. I watch myself wanting to keep a tight grip on him and that's impossible. I know that this is all somthing that is designed to steal my joy and the blessing that I know is from the LORD but I fear.
Ok there it is and I lay it out there for all to see my vulnerability

Friday, January 2, 2009


I contemplate as everyone does what they can do differently in the upcoming year! I am so excited about the adventures I will be entering into. Here are a few things that I am looking forward to.
1. Getting Married.
2. Starting a new life as a wife.
3. Moving in with Jason.
4. Going to Charleston.
5. Connecting more than I have with my dear friends.

Here are a few things that I am striving for...
1. Balance.
2. Continued Contentment.
3. Stopping my continual need for conviction and embracing grace.
4. Keeping my mouth shut more than I desire to open it.
5. Stop judging decisions and just make them and allow other people to make them on their own.
6. Stop living up to the worst in me and embrace the gentle, kind, person God made me to be.

We will see how it goes!

Thirth was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult - C.S. Lewis